Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
