i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
