i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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