do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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