I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
