Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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