You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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