No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
