He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
