so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
