walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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