Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
