I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
