After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
