Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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