3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
