HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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