Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
