Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
