I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The best revenge is premature balding
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
