you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize