is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
