Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
