if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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