After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
