Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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