one two three fourrrrnication!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
