the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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