Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
