Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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