Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
