sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize