Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
