Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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