So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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