i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
