Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
