guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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