I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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