I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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