Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
