Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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