Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
last night I used snow as a chaser
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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