we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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