We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
