Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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