I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
