im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
