He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
