I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
