So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
