i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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