This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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