I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
