So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
