i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
