You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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