would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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