Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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