You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
