I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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