And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
