The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
