So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
