I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
