Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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