Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
