a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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