After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
