I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
