I just made out with a guy for $7.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
