like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
