.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
