Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
