you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
