What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
