I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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