I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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