i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
