3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
