All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
