and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
