so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize