it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
