I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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